RSS Rape

When you find the person that raped you for years as a child has an RSS feed to your blog!

I wish I could explain to people what this feels like . . . but I know people would rather ignore this disturbing issue entirely. What if this was happening to your wife, daughter, sister, mother? What needs to happen for people to hear?

#CourageUp #PTSDAwareness #PTSDWarrior

Significant Impact

I believe there is a reason I survived having a stroke on October 14, 2014.

I thought my struggle with PTSD was bad until I suffered a left hemispheric brain stroke and felt the vulnerability, hopelessness and fear of being confined inside my body without independent mobility.

The entire experience changed my life . . . for the better! No doubt, I appreciate each minute so much more.

The stroke caused me to take serious inventory of my life - and count my blessings.

I appreciate the friends and family who have stood by me and offered encouragement every time I have whined. Those who remind me of my capabilities when I was lacking confidence.

In short, I owe a sincere thanks to everyone who has lit a fire under my azz, for reminding me there is a reason I am still here and that I am blessed with a continued opportunity to leave my footprint on this earth.

#StrokeSurvivor #PTSDWarrior #CourageUp

Over-simplified Analysis of the 'Minister's Black Veil'

Written by Nathaniel Hawthorne and first published in 1836, the 'Minister's Black Veil' is a short and very dark story that, in my opinion, has undergone MEGA over-analysis. I am probably guilty of over-simplifying but I believe the black veil refers to the sin of murder and even though Mr. Hooper knows he is a deranged psychopath who charades as the good town Minister, he is forced realize that . . . the black veil offers him no concealment. Even the town children recognize he is evil, born without conscience and a monster in every sense of the word. Just my own random analysis.

A Warrior Weeps

I know I do not only speak for myself.

Sometimes it only takes a sound, or a familiar smell, to send me down the road of PTSD.

That isolated road dotted with flashbacks and bumps that me feel like there may be shards of glass inside.

Feeling weak, nothing easily explainable, eyes swollen with tears intermittently rolling down my cheeks. There is no rhyme or reason, forgetting how to breathe.

Yes, I know tomorrow will be better but today the Warrior weeps.

#PTSDAwareness #WeAreWarriors

A year of learning after Stroke

Out of darkness comes light. I believe that on every level of my being. It has been nearly a year since I survived stroke. For me, this last year has been about learning . . . learning how to slow down and appreciate all the "little things" a little more each day, improving my faith, strengthening my courage and about health and healing so my inner light can continue to shine. I do sincerely and deeply appreciate the patience and encouragement of my children and those who love me.

Igniting Courage

I'm laughing. After my previous FB post, there is at least one individual that I know I have pissed off but sometimes unprovoked taunting and "intimidation tactics" only have a reverse effect and inspire a victim's resolve.

If I could choose one thing I could be remembered for, it would be the 20yrs I advocated for justice for victims . . . and finally found the courage to seek justice for myself. Fighting monsters.

It Is Time . . .

There is one thing about the psychopathic narcissist that prey upon little children, they think they are above justice.

The predator's egotism and "God-complex" makes them believe the years they got away with their heinous crimes means they are free. Stealing children's innocence is a most wicked crime, even declared evil within the criminal community.

Unprovoked, you dare to speak the name and continue to taunt one of your victims 40 years later . . . you just achieved one thing. Victims unite, strength is ignited, courage rallies and "justice" is the sound of a jury unanimously agreeing you have been free far too long.

STEALING CHILDREN'S SOULS DEALT THEM A LIFE SENTENCE . . . How much time do you deserve?

Role of Hypocrisy

A tangled web of deceit he weaves. Hiding his heart and wicked deeds behind closed doors, then leaves. 

The virtue of truth from his soul removed, lives of others become only a stepping stone to a self-serving goal, his groove. 

While dazzling others with his show, the hypocrite's soul has lost its glow. Consumed by lies and driven by deceit, for only he knows how many hearts he has stabbed and sacrificed.

For, if we are the caretakers of our brother's souls, keep in mind, our words and deeds will be measured by their toll. 

Something to think about before we don a mask and play a role. - Kym L. Pasqualini

Can compassion makes us better people?

I often wonder if most of us wake up in the morning and say, “I am going to treat myself with compassion today?” Probably not, but I would like to think that most of us do think about treating others with compassion on a daily basis.

Daily, we experience failures, loss, grief, emotional upheaval, physical injuries and illness. At times, we have to wonder how we are going to make it another day but somehow we muster that strength needed to carry us through.

We live in a society that places an incredible amount of value on material success, physical perfection, having successful friends, bling, wearing the best clothes, driving fancy cars, and eating at the nicest restaurants. Sadly, I hear people are constantly comparing themselves to others, gossiping, and even rooting for other’s failures. I often wonder if people even realize they are doing it.

It is inevitable we will experience struggle in our daily lives. Of course, suffering an illness, losing a job, experiencing significant psychological challenges for example, may drop one a couple notches on the  success society ladder. While it is natural to experience some emotional turmoil in the aftermath of various types of loss, injury and trauma, we are often hardest on ourselves.

While we must hold ourselves to high standards and be responsible, we must also understand that we need to treat ourselves compassionately.

Compassion is a strong emotion and selfless behavior that arises when we see another suffering. It motivates us to help, to make a difference. Backed by science, compassion has a biological basis, slowing down our heart-rate, and secreting oxytocin, along with areas of our brain that lights up when we feel compassion. In essence compassion creates happiness. Compassion makes us better people, and compassion is necessary to self-care.

How can we increase our capacity for self-care?

• Give ourselves credit for the special people we are, what we have done for others, and other accomplishments.
• Treat ourselves with Acceptance.
• Stop comparing ourselves to others.
• Practice mindfulness, becoming more aware of our reactions to fear and worry.
• Stop blaming others for their misfortunes.
• Stop blaming ourselves and others for our own misfortunes.
• Know we can make a difference.
• Live equality.
• Be tolerant but stop absorbing other’s negativity.
• Stop judging others and ourselves.
• Let go of expectations.
• Care for ourselves as we would care for others.
• In all circumstances be real and do not let our egos dictate thought or behavior.
• Know we are heroes.

I know I am not telling anyone anything they do not already know but I do think it helps us to be reminded of the importance of things that benefit humankind as a whole.

We will have experiences, both good and bad. We can choose to let some harden our hearts or we can seek the life-lesson.  For me, I want to know how to let each of my own life experiences teach me how to be a good steward.

So, it begins from within. Let’s face it, we are not the only ones on this planet and the earth certainly does not revolve around us. We must make an effort to be cognizant and remember it is a choice to love ourselves as much as others. Peace.

What is the opposite of Spiritual Meanness?

There are so many medical conditions out there. If you are suffering from something, the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders will find a name for it.

You could never suffer from “Empathy Deficit Disorder” right. Well, it is not a new disorder or even listed as one but Douglas LaBier, Ph.D coined the term recently. Whether or not it is an official disorder, in today’s society, it is acute and definitely real. In fact, it appears it is widespread and those who suffer from it do not even realize they have it.

There are stigmas attached to being diagnosed with a mental disorder or traumatic brain injury. That is fact, I ask, what if you suffer from something that significantly impacts you and others, creates adversarial attitudes, deterioration of personal relationships, and ultimately lack of communication?

Take for example, a woman experiencing a significant challenge in her life complaining her companion does not appear to be present when he is with her or make an effort to include her in his personal life . . . after a year of seeing each other. She also wished he complimented her more, providing relationship security that reassures her he is thinking of her throughout the day. On a more serious note, the medical community has determined anyone facing significant adversity benefits psychologically from strong support from family, friends, and that level of support necessary to one’s health.

Of course, his response is that she is being selfish, she just doesn't "get it" because he works long hours, he is tired, he has too much on his plate but makes clear he is not changing up his life for her. Now she's feeling rejected because she dwells on him only having her her over to dinner with his children one time in over a year and dined out possibly four times. He throws in that he has other friends that are good people and he is "present in the moment" with them when visiting or out. They don't complain. He explains there is a higher spiritual order or purpose to his activities that she refers to as “vanishing acts”. Because she doesn't feel included ambiguity sets in and so does the imagination. She begins to question where she ranks in this spiritual order, feels hurt, resentment sets in and tension grows in the relationship.  

So basically, the woman’s feelings of love toward the man are genuine but as Dr. LaBier describes, Empathy Deficit creates emotional isolation for both parties. The man simply does not see her world, through her eyes or heart because his own needs are his reality. He is totally emotionally disconnected from her appearing to even intentionally hurt her by applying her insignificance to his other friends and her lack of importance in this spiritual mission he claims to live. Of course, this could just be a clouded perception she has. However, let us examine empathy and the "bigger picture" of its importance in the world.

Dr. LaBier explains the difference between sympathy and empathy. Sympathy allows a person to “understand another person’s circumstance” but only through their own eyes and experience. Even having sympathy can remain a self-centered attitude toward what another person is experiencing. “Even a Narcissist can be sympathetic in this way”, LaBier says.

Empathy is the feeling you experience by stepping out of yourself and stepping into another person’s heart and mind, enabling you to experience another person’s emotions, inner turmoil, his or her dreams and it does not take mind-reading to accomplish.

Empathy is necessary to build healthy relationships and LaBiers contends it is an essential part of good mental health.

The lack of empathy alienates the person from others and from their own emotions. People that lack empathy for others forget that others depend on feeling connected and in today’s world, it is necessary for people to survive. Without empathy extended to others, they feel abandoned. 

Putting the lack of empathy into perspective, professionals agree that the deficiency of empathy is created by a person’s focus on acquiring things, money, people, power, status, and vanity. Now, we all must admit we become self absorbed at times but it can become habit. One loses sight of  what creates healthy relationships because they are concerned only with their own needs.

Researchers say MRI’s indicate humans have “mirror neurons” that allow regions of the brain to feel not only emotions but physical sensations when truly empathizing with another human being’s distress.

Therefore, as Empathy Deficit can also be called self-absorption, it is not impossible to change one's perception of the differences of others and their reactions to situations. In a world where nations are warring due to cultural intolerance and spiritual beliefs, it takes expanding our consciousness and being conscience to truly walk a spiritual path (and in another's shoes) and refrain from passing judgment, telling someone how they should be thinking or acting to change their situation, or basically reducing their feelings to what we feel is nonsense.

In the aftermath of 9/11 it was pure empathy that motivated those fireman to wade through heated metal hours after they could have gone home. Those who suffered trauma witnessing people jump from the towers needed those around them, those who love them to have empathy because they will be forever impacted by the experience. It does not mean they cannot recover, but having a healthy, respectful, and loving support network means, they are not going it alone.

Empathy separates people from objects and deepens your understanding and respect for others . . . besides for those with spiritual beliefs, those who want to help the world, remember that nowhere in the Bible does it tell you to send someone blindly walking alone into the path of an oncoming train. If anything, it encourages us to make an effort to connect, feel, love and hold another’s hand while crossing the tracks.

Written by Kym L. Pasqualini

Kym L. Pasqualini