A year of learning after Stroke

Out of darkness comes light. I believe that on every level of my being. It has been nearly a year since I survived stroke. For me, this last year has been about learning . . . learning how to slow down and appreciate all the "little things" a little more each day, improving my faith, strengthening my courage and about health and healing so my inner light can continue to shine. I do sincerely and deeply appreciate the patience and encouragement of my children and those who love me.

Igniting Courage

I'm laughing. After my previous FB post, there is at least one individual that I know I have pissed off but sometimes unprovoked taunting and "intimidation tactics" only have a reverse effect and inspire a victim's resolve.

If I could choose one thing I could be remembered for, it would be the 20yrs I advocated for justice for victims . . . and finally found the courage to seek justice for myself. Fighting monsters.

It Is Time . . .

There is one thing about the psychopathic narcissist that prey upon little children, they think they are above justice.

The predator's egotism and "God-complex" makes them believe the years they got away with their heinous crimes means they are free. Stealing children's innocence is a most wicked crime, even declared evil within the criminal community.

Unprovoked, you dare to speak the name and continue to taunt one of your victims 40 years later . . . you just achieved one thing. Victims unite, strength is ignited, courage rallies and "justice" is the sound of a jury unanimously agreeing you have been free far too long.

STEALING CHILDREN'S SOULS DEALT THEM A LIFE SENTENCE . . . How much time do you deserve?

Role of Hypocrisy

A tangled web of deceit he weaves. Hiding his heart and wicked deeds behind closed doors, then leaves. 

The virtue of truth from his soul removed, lives of others become only a stepping stone to a self-serving goal, his groove. 

While dazzling others with his show, the hypocrite's soul has lost its glow. Consumed by lies and driven by deceit, for only he knows how many hearts he has stabbed and sacrificed.

For, if we are the caretakers of our brother's souls, keep in mind, our words and deeds will be measured by their toll. 

Something to think about before we don a mask and play a role. - Kym L. Pasqualini

Can compassion makes us better people?

I often wonder if most of us wake up in the morning and say, “I am going to treat myself with compassion today?” Probably not, but I would like to think that most of us do think about treating others with compassion on a daily basis.

Daily, we experience failures, loss, grief, emotional upheaval, physical injuries and illness. At times, we have to wonder how we are going to make it another day but somehow we muster that strength needed to carry us through.

We live in a society that places an incredible amount of value on material success, physical perfection, having successful friends, bling, wearing the best clothes, driving fancy cars, and eating at the nicest restaurants. Sadly, I hear people are constantly comparing themselves to others, gossiping, and even rooting for other’s failures. I often wonder if people even realize they are doing it.

It is inevitable we will experience struggle in our daily lives. Of course, suffering an illness, losing a job, experiencing significant psychological challenges for example, may drop one a couple notches on the  success society ladder. While it is natural to experience some emotional turmoil in the aftermath of various types of loss, injury and trauma, we are often hardest on ourselves.

While we must hold ourselves to high standards and be responsible, we must also understand that we need to treat ourselves compassionately.

Compassion is a strong emotion and selfless behavior that arises when we see another suffering. It motivates us to help, to make a difference. Backed by science, compassion has a biological basis, slowing down our heart-rate, and secreting oxytocin, along with areas of our brain that lights up when we feel compassion. In essence compassion creates happiness. Compassion makes us better people, and compassion is necessary to self-care.

How can we increase our capacity for self-care?

• Give ourselves credit for the special people we are, what we have done for others, and other accomplishments.
• Treat ourselves with Acceptance.
• Stop comparing ourselves to others.
• Practice mindfulness, becoming more aware of our reactions to fear and worry.
• Stop blaming others for their misfortunes.
• Stop blaming ourselves and others for our own misfortunes.
• Know we can make a difference.
• Live equality.
• Be tolerant but stop absorbing other’s negativity.
• Stop judging others and ourselves.
• Let go of expectations.
• Care for ourselves as we would care for others.
• In all circumstances be real and do not let our egos dictate thought or behavior.
• Know we are heroes.

I know I am not telling anyone anything they do not already know but I do think it helps us to be reminded of the importance of things that benefit humankind as a whole.

We will have experiences, both good and bad. We can choose to let some harden our hearts or we can seek the life-lesson.  For me, I want to know how to let each of my own life experiences teach me how to be a good steward.

So, it begins from within. Let’s face it, we are not the only ones on this planet and the earth certainly does not revolve around us. We must make an effort to be cognizant and remember it is a choice to love ourselves as much as others. Peace.

What is the opposite of Spiritual Meanness?

There are so many medical conditions out there. If you are suffering from something, the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders will find a name for it.

You could never suffer from “Empathy Deficit Disorder” right. Well, it is not a new disorder or even listed as one but Douglas LaBier, Ph.D coined the term recently. Whether or not it is an official disorder, in today’s society, it is acute and definitely real. In fact, it appears it is widespread and those who suffer from it do not even realize they have it.

There are stigmas attached to being diagnosed with a mental disorder or traumatic brain injury. That is fact, I ask, what if you suffer from something that significantly impacts you and others, creates adversarial attitudes, deterioration of personal relationships, and ultimately lack of communication?

Take for example, a woman experiencing a significant challenge in her life complaining her companion does not appear to be present when he is with her or make an effort to include her in his personal life . . . after a year of seeing each other. She also wished he complimented her more, providing relationship security that reassures her he is thinking of her throughout the day. On a more serious note, the medical community has determined anyone facing significant adversity benefits psychologically from strong support from family, friends, and that level of support necessary to one’s health.

Of course, his response is that she is being selfish, she just doesn't "get it" because he works long hours, he is tired, he has too much on his plate but makes clear he is not changing up his life for her. Now she's feeling rejected because she dwells on him only having her her over to dinner with his children one time in over a year and dined out possibly four times. He throws in that he has other friends that are good people and he is "present in the moment" with them when visiting or out. They don't complain. He explains there is a higher spiritual order or purpose to his activities that she refers to as “vanishing acts”. Because she doesn't feel included ambiguity sets in and so does the imagination. She begins to question where she ranks in this spiritual order, feels hurt, resentment sets in and tension grows in the relationship.  

So basically, the woman’s feelings of love toward the man are genuine but as Dr. LaBier describes, Empathy Deficit creates emotional isolation for both parties. The man simply does not see her world, through her eyes or heart because his own needs are his reality. He is totally emotionally disconnected from her appearing to even intentionally hurt her by applying her insignificance to his other friends and her lack of importance in this spiritual mission he claims to live. Of course, this could just be a clouded perception she has. However, let us examine empathy and the "bigger picture" of its importance in the world.

Dr. LaBier explains the difference between sympathy and empathy. Sympathy allows a person to “understand another person’s circumstance” but only through their own eyes and experience. Even having sympathy can remain a self-centered attitude toward what another person is experiencing. “Even a Narcissist can be sympathetic in this way”, LaBier says.

Empathy is the feeling you experience by stepping out of yourself and stepping into another person’s heart and mind, enabling you to experience another person’s emotions, inner turmoil, his or her dreams and it does not take mind-reading to accomplish.

Empathy is necessary to build healthy relationships and LaBiers contends it is an essential part of good mental health.

The lack of empathy alienates the person from others and from their own emotions. People that lack empathy for others forget that others depend on feeling connected and in today’s world, it is necessary for people to survive. Without empathy extended to others, they feel abandoned. 

Putting the lack of empathy into perspective, professionals agree that the deficiency of empathy is created by a person’s focus on acquiring things, money, people, power, status, and vanity. Now, we all must admit we become self absorbed at times but it can become habit. One loses sight of  what creates healthy relationships because they are concerned only with their own needs.

Researchers say MRI’s indicate humans have “mirror neurons” that allow regions of the brain to feel not only emotions but physical sensations when truly empathizing with another human being’s distress.

Therefore, as Empathy Deficit can also be called self-absorption, it is not impossible to change one's perception of the differences of others and their reactions to situations. In a world where nations are warring due to cultural intolerance and spiritual beliefs, it takes expanding our consciousness and being conscience to truly walk a spiritual path (and in another's shoes) and refrain from passing judgment, telling someone how they should be thinking or acting to change their situation, or basically reducing their feelings to what we feel is nonsense.

In the aftermath of 9/11 it was pure empathy that motivated those fireman to wade through heated metal hours after they could have gone home. Those who suffered trauma witnessing people jump from the towers needed those around them, those who love them to have empathy because they will be forever impacted by the experience. It does not mean they cannot recover, but having a healthy, respectful, and loving support network means, they are not going it alone.

Empathy separates people from objects and deepens your understanding and respect for others . . . besides for those with spiritual beliefs, those who want to help the world, remember that nowhere in the Bible does it tell you to send someone blindly walking alone into the path of an oncoming train. If anything, it encourages us to make an effort to connect, feel, love and hold another’s hand while crossing the tracks.

Written by Kym L. Pasqualini

Kym L. Pasqualini

Mystification

I often wonder why people try to live a lie, their entire world contrived. Sadly, some people are "experts in deception", no regard for the heart of another, thinking they avoid detection.

Do they really believe their calculated effort to create an artificial existence will not produce resistance? I guess some fail to learn one can lie by omission, their motivation to dazzle others, deliberately disguising their personal transgressions.

Attempting to avoid discovery, they only climb deeper into their own self-deception, failing to realize their ambiguous interrelation reveals numerous contradictions. Complicating lives, disrupting the trust some fight so hard to maintain, creating resentment and strain.

Such a waste to surrender reality, using blatant slight of hand, a clear violation of another person's faith in one's integrity. Mystification, protecting one's self-image . . . would it not be easier to be real, and live with faith you would more than likely receive favorable reception in exchange for deception. We are all human, made up of flaws but unless we face forward and claim what is ours, we "choose" to remain a deceiver, a fabricator, and for those with malicious intent, forever will remain elusive rectitude, integrity and common decency. Which life would you choose? ~ Kym L. Pasqualini

 — feeling meh

Ever so RANDOM Perspective on Life Balance vs. Zen Living

Well, I may never become a Zen Monk. First, I obviously do not have the discipline, concentration, or anatomy, though some of my friends have said . . . let us just say I have “great courage” for a woman. Anyone that knows me well knows my equilibrium has been off for decades. 

This lack of balance in my life might explain the beautiful purple cast I borrowed for eight weeks after simply stepping off a curb at work or the catastrophic landing I made after deciding I was still age ten and jumped up on the trampoline with all the kids at a 4^th of July party. I did mark the event and the two surgeries to follow with a “black cast” to serve as a reminder of my moment of adventurous stupidity.

Now, yet to be explained is why watches seem to stop (forever) when I wear them and for years I was told by my office team that I made their computers malfunction when I came near. I am fairly certain they did not lock me in my office because I was the mean boss but simply wanted to protect their computer systems. Though I never knew how fast time was flying, I must say my computer always worked great but I was living in life balance oblivion.

I am not one to walk a tightrope through life, though I was a promising gymnast as a child . . . that is, until I got up on the kitchen sink and slipped into one of those old Coke glasses. Severing some tendons in my foot changed that career path. I borrowed a cast then too. 

In fact, that reminds me of another story. Fast forward approximately nine years; I was up on a mountain just staring out at an amazing Phoenix nightscape. Though I was not practicing my Ashtanga Ujjayi breathing during that phase of life, I was breathing in the air and felt free . . . that is, until an AC/DC song came on and I decided to become lead singer with a bottle of Strawberry Hill Boonesfarm wine in my hand. I will save you from the details on the number of stitches and the following year my best friend Paige had to blow dry my hair because my left hand was paralyzed (yes, I am left handed). However, it is worth mention, that imbalance was the mark of no longer apprenticing as the youngest tattoo artist in Arizona and my future career.

While I could look back on some incidents that have occurred during my life as painful events that removed opportunities, instead, I choose to believe my accidents did lead me exactly where I am supposed to be, not to mention, to be ever so cognizant of where I am stepping!

I choose to take my life lessons, whether silly and potentially embarrassing accidents, along  lessons learned during interactions with others throughout my life, to lead me to what I am striving to achieve – what I call, simply living in the Zen. I am not an overly religious person though I do hold to my own strong personal spiritual beliefs, that if necessary, I would die for . . . just as those who came before me throughout time. I am confident in my strength not to bow down to an ideal or to be dictated to by anyone while knowing I must never wield the sword of prejudice and judgment in order to force my beliefs on anyone else.

To me, “Living in My Zen” is making every attempt to give unto the world goodness and to treat others with empathy, love, and compassion while being mindful of our most important task - to serve others with purpose. Of course, a winding path could pose a challenge to me at times being I may be somewhat asymmetric, but then what is a task to accomplish without a couple of challenges! ~ Written by Kym L. Pasqualini 

CREEPING COWARDICE

I think this really summed up my day after Mr. Jackson and Pat Betsy Jenkins decided to be the reflection of human cruelty that is so rampant in the world today, at me, on my FB page. 

This kind of bullying and harassment has gone on for several years now. While these individuals would like to destroy my ability to persevere, I would like to educate them and the obvious ignorance they reflect. I can't change the evil in one's heart but I will not succumb to it!

One of Pat the Pitbull's comments, "I image Kym will go rock in a corner now and blame it on the PTSD."

Wow, really?

Having C-PTSD and sharing the day to day struggles publicly is not about whining or wanting someone to feel sorry for me . . . or playing the victim as I was accused of today. It is about raising awareness of the number of people with C-PTSD/PTSD that commit suicide each day, our veterans and other abuse/rape survivors. We have bad days and damn it, if I have the courage to share my struggles and not off myself . . . maybe someone else will hold on too!

Being the target of bullying by adults is still abuse and in my opinion a weaker character's way of attempting to dominate, kind of like a dog that pisses all over everything. So here is my response to these pretty cruel individuals, but especially the female dog.

*FIRST - What my brother Scott and I survived as children is well documented and was more horrific than Keith Jackson could think up for his haunted house. We are lucky to be alive and living with C-PTSD.

* SECOND - As far as a job you ask??? I now struggle to perform daily tasks but both my brother and I, we have beaten statistics during our lives, both CEO's for nearly 20yrs. CEO's of companies we built, NEVER taking credit for some else's hard work or tripped anyone on our way up.

*THIRD AND MOST IMPORTANT - When you feel you can laugh and make light of what is has been like to live with any form of PTSD, you reflect your pure and utter ignorance by dismissing the struggle faced by every veteran, rape victim, and other child sexual abuse survivor. NOT TO MENTION our brother Christopher who was only five and murdered by the same man who confined us for nearly five years. Have you any idea?

*FOURTH - the next time you feel you have something to say about me sharing one of my rough days with the public but especially with those who also have C-PTSD/PTSD . . . remember this, I may be tired but I have the courage to "rock myself back upright" each time I fall or am pushed!

So, Pat the Pitbull, when trying to attack me, at least have the balls to stand up and use your own name to try bully me. I can at least respect a person who is not a CREEPING COWARDESS!

For those offended, de-friend/block me please!

Kym L. Pasqualini

While my opinions and writing do not reflect the group Women With Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Information, I do encourage people to please, please educate yourself about C-PTSD/PTSD and Bullying. I may have made it through this attack by these two individuals today but there are others who won't if bullying is not stopped. 

https://www.facebook.com/womenwithposttraumaticstressdisorderinformation

An old man's lessons - never enough tomorrows

An old man reflects in his mind's eye, wondering how so much time could have passed him by.

His life had been a maze on the road of self-discovery, but tempting fate seemed his only mastery.

A smile emerges on his aging face while remembering a woman, feeling like it was yesterday. He always thought there would be tomorrow, never realizing those wasted days would bring such sorrow.

A lesson of love the old man would be learning, and his failure to express it would eventually leave him yearning.

His eyes closed; he pictured her beautiful face and felt a warm embrace. His heart becomes suddenly filled with the ache of regret while reflecting back on the feelings he hid and could not beget.

Her love had never been reciprocated, and he knew she had felt the sting of sadness only unrequited love can bring.

Tears appeared in his wrinkled eyes - his feelings he no longer wished to hide. Hoping for another chance, to make her smile and hold her - he vowed to say everything he had never told her.

For years the woman had loved the old man incessantly, never knowing how much she meant to a man whose feeling never shown. Before he could tell her what he felt all along . . . sadly, to the passage of time and loneliness, she had already succumbed.

~Kym L. Pasqualini